Alison Hassall is both a Reader in active ministry and a practising spiritual director. She believes the two vocations marry well together, as she explains.
[This article is from our Spring 2018 issue. To read back issues dating back to 2015, please activate your subscription]
When people are accepted for training for Reader/LLM Ministry in the Diocese of Oxford, they are told that they should have a spiritual director. I suspect that some other dioceses say the same. For some this is baffling: What on earth is a spiritual director? It can sound rather forbidding. And where do I find such a person? Then there has to be the question as to what help one could bring. I have an excellent spiritual director who is a splendid help to me in my own journey of faith. I would not be without one. Also I am a spiritual director, and see that vocation as part of my LLM/ Reader ministry.
The role of a spiritual director is primarily to listen and be alongside, recognising that it is really God who is the director. If you like, there are three of you all together in confidence: director, directee and God. It becomes a sacred space, albeit a safe, friendly one where you can divulge thoughts, feelings, ideas, as you feel comfortable but do not have to if you prefer not. The director will possibly reflect some things back to you, maybe use silence to allow realisation or even sudden surprise. But the director does not direct! The title can be off putting, but it has become so long in usage that it is hard to change. Some prefer spiritual accompaniment or even soul friend but the latter, a title from the Celtic tradition, is slightly different.
As a Reader, one comes up against all sorts of people, all sorts of situations which require discernment, often tact in working with others, and at times it can all be challenging. I am now working with my fourth incumbent. With each fresh one there have had to be adjustments, some give and take perhaps. How supportive I have found the safe listening ear of my spiritual director. Being able to talk honestly about things in total confidence is important and, I feel, essential for the practising Reader. Family issues too can come to the fore. A Reader took the funeral of a brother with Down’s syndrome a while ago. This was a brother whom the Reader scarcely knew. Yet, following that the pain and grief surfaced rather unexpectedly. To be able to talk it all over with a spiritual director provided huge relief and also clarification about very real and deep feelings.
In so many ways I see that spiritual direction is important for a Reader to keep the enthusiasm and purpose of their calling. Often, being a minister in the church can be taxing, discouraging and exhausting. A spiritual director is there to understand both highs and lows, to remain alongside through delight and difficulty and really be a safe, sustaining haven for the lay minister. Remember, the real director is God, so always you both are listening for that guidance. Indeed, some directors I know will pull up three chairs, one for the director, one for the directee and one for God. I like to think of this metaphorically, as it were, but I do understand that for some this could be a helpful visible reminder.
A good spiritual director is also likely willingly to explore prayer opportunities and open doors to different ways of praying in different circumstances. Someone in a licensed ministerial position could become stale in their prayer, often without realising it. Introducing something different, even experimenting with prayer might revitalise the whole ministry. From time to time, the spiritual director might well offer some variety. So, someone who prayed daily with a set ‘Quiet time’ for years was introduced to taking space to ‘be’ with God with no other agenda, and notice signs of God in walks or pottering about the garden. This person found a new freedom and delight in the presence of God – having got over the guilt of ‘not praying properly.’ Of course, for someone different who is undisciplined in prayer, something more structured could be just the job to trigger a new contentment as they pray, possibly taking a fixed ‘quiet time’ for a spell. Talking it all over with someone steeped in prayer who has a vocation to be alongside is amazingly helpful.
Something that I particularly like about spiritual direction as a ministry is that it is totally non-denominational. I have recently worked with a splendid team on a Week of Accompanied Prayer consisting of Roman Catholics, Anglicans and Baptists, and including priests, ministers and lay people, male and female. Great! Reader ministry is wider than the obvious preaching, teaching and pastoral. I consider that in some ways perhaps you can preach and teach by listening, in a curious sort of way. Listening gives huge value to a person. Spiritual direction means that I am alongside all sorts of people from a variety of denominations and, indeed, none, in their daily walk with God. Sometimes they may not realise that they are on that walk, that journey, at all and might even baulk at reference to God. But they are. And what a joy it is when such an individual comes to the realisation that God is alongside them. I love spiritual direction as a ministry, feel hugely privileged to be called in this way, and love the people who come, whether for a short time or, sometimes, for a good number of years. It fits in well with Reader ministry, in the twenty-first century when so many are disbelieving and unwilling to discuss matters of faith. In some way, it is a healing ministry. As you listen attentively, so the hurting person relaxes and becomes freer and so starts to let go of their burden.
I have been a spiritual director for a good many years now. I still remember my first formal directee. Having finished my training, I wondered how and when I would ever start seeing people. Where do they come from? I am not sure now how but I found that first I had one person coming, then it expanded to six and not that length of time later, I was having to limit the number to ten. In practice I find that most come through personal recommendation. It is important to have the right director; both parties need to be comfortable and relate to each other sympathetically. As a spiritual director, a wide variety of people will confide in you as you explore together whatever crops up. Also you come across so many and different people, whether one to one or vicariously through the situations your ‘directees’ find themselves in. You can also be thrown at times. I have never forgotten the person who arrived and quickly explained his quandary: should he leave his wife for someone else? I found it hard to remain calm and attentive as I heard this – indeed I almost felt panic! That is when one has immediately to put all one’s own reactions, prejudices, etc. aside and listen attentively. Several years and many hours of being prayerfully alongside this man, he revealed he was still with his wife and children and would remain so.
Confidentiality has to be key. I heard of one interesting person, Mary (not her real name) with an almost storybook horror family: an alcoholic husband, two teenage sons one of whom seemed permanently at home, whether it was a school day or not. The other was seldom at home. He was 16, went off to school each morning but his mother suspected he seldom made it into school. She also believed he was on drugs of some description. With all that, she tried to take space for God. Mary longed to be able to spend time with God and every time she met her spiritual director they would try and sort out how best to do this in her life. The next time she came, it was just the same. And the next. Somehow she was not able to carry through what she had desired and they had discussed. The spiritual director felt they were getting nowhere, although she understood that her role was to remain alongside Mary no matter how long this situation went on. Eventually, several years later, Mary moved away.
Looking at this sort of situation helps me. I now realise that at one time I should have found that situation hard to deal with whereas now I would cope more effectively and certainly would be more comfortable being alongside someone who was unable to move anywhere at a particular stage of her life. As a spiritual director, the role is to accompany and not worry if there is no movement. It is not our role to get progress or make things better – although we might often want to be able to do just that.
Spiritual direction is a chance to be with a person in a loving and privileged way. It is a rewarding vocation and one that works well with the call to be a Reader. As it is a somewhat hidden ministry, even if people in the pews know it exists, they often assume that it is only for the so-called important ministers up front. Perhaps Readers, with their combination of often being up front, and being part of the laity, are just the people to advertise it to a congregation. To talk about it naturally, introduce it to your congregation as something for them is really helpful and perhaps the best place to make it known.
During the Week of Accompanied Prayer in our parishes, mentioned above, eight spiritual directors gave up their time for the week to come to our area and give some 30-40 minutes each day to each of three to five individuals. This time was for talking (and listening) about prayer. In effect, each of the eight was being the spiritual director or retreat giver to three to five people for the week. Such a week can revive a group of churches as individuals’ relationship with God through prayer deepens. Brilliant!
I would like to encourage Readers to have a spiritual director, even if the particular diocese does not require it. To operate effectively in the calling, perhaps it is essential. But it is vital to find the right person with whom you can be open and whom you trust. As well as this, spiritual direction is a joyous vocation and some Readers are ideally suited to it. So it is right to be open, if anyone feels a hint of a call that way, then pursue it. There are numerous training courses all over the country. If you find it impossible to dig one out, the Retreat Association is a good starting point.
Alison Hassall is a Reader in the Oxford Diocese, a Spiritual Director and a Trainer of Spiritual Directors.
[This article is from our Spring 2018 issue. To read back issues dating back to 2015, please activate your subscription]
To find out more
Retreat Association – info@retreats.org.uk phone: 01494 569056
Clare Charity Centre, Wycombe Road, Saunderton HP14 43F
SpiDir (Spiritual Direction) website – (Diocese of Southwark)
www.Soulfriend.org.uk (Berkshire, Buckinghamshire and Oxfordshire)